At the end.

As strong as I am, I just broke down. 

I took 10 minutes to myself, and completely lost it.

I'm coming to grips with the fact that this is it. 

Never again will I buy a pregnancy test.

I'll never wrap my arms around my husband and speak the words "I'm pregnant" again.

I won't ever have the anticipation of "Can't wait to see what we're having!" or be asked "When are you due?!" or "What do you hope its going to be?"

No more middle of the night pregnancy cravings.

No more 3D ultrasounds.

No more shopping for newborn baby clothes (for my own baby).

No more spending weeks on end 'debating' baby names with Joe, changing the name, and finally hearing him say "I really like that one!" or "ugh, not a chance" :-P

(Yes, I absolutely gave him a say in what we named our children. Every one of them. We're a team, remember? haha)

This is the last week I live as a complete wreck, wondering if I'll wake up in the middle of the night with contractions.

No more maternity clothes.

This is it.

My last baby.

I have a very love/hate relationship with being "done".

I feel like I'm losing a part of me. 

I will miss all of this. 

But at the same time, I can't wait to get it all out of the way, and eventually have moments where Joe and I can just concentrate on "us".

I do look forward to that.

I also look forward to getting my pre-pregnancy body back.

I look forward to meeting Jax face to face.

I look forward to every milestone.

But for now, I'm relishing the few moments of baby kicks in my belly I've got left.

Last straw with the dog.

It's after 4 in the morning.
I can't go back to sleep out of fear of being mauled by the biggest dog in the house.
Close to 3 I woke up to Sadie (who knows she's not supposed to enter) in the room trying to get on my bed.

She was not acting right again.

I've seen this behavior in her quite a few times before, and I assumed in my groggy state she might pee on my bed because she isn't one for continence.
So I refused to let her up.

She used to act this way to only thunder.
Then I started seeing her react this way to the neighbor's lawn keeper.
She has lurched out and bit my children in their faces leaving scratches (i have pictures) and I've thrown fits to no avail.
She's demonstrated numerous times that she is not stable around children but hasn't really attacked anyone unprovoked.
A tail has either been pulled by the toddler or she's been jumped on by the rowdy 8 year old. All of which isn't ok but typical of children and with these reactions she is not suitable for a house full of them.
No, I'm not making excuses for the dog.
I've got pictures of the marks she has left on my children but because of the housing situation and my husband being gone my hands have been tied.
I'm evidently the only one who chooses children's welfare over a dog.

Regardless of what the children have done, if she can't handle it she's not a good dog to have around children.
The dog is not registered in my name so I am not liable.


HOWEVER at 2:30 in the morning it is not provoked, and she had no business being in my bedroom when I was finally able to sleep after 2 days. It also isn't characteristic of her to try and force herself into my bed for no reason.

I sleepily said "no" and tried to push her down.
She would not listen to the command and refused to move as I tried to push her paws down, and tried to get up on the bed once again.

I pointed and motioned "down". I'm slowly waking up at this point, still wanting to keep my eyes closed, laying on my left side facing the bay window and weakly trying to push her off.
She stayed halfway on the bed, and she stood ground, now shaking like a leaf as if she was about to be sick.

I again said "down" and attempted a third time to push the 100+lb dog to the floor.

She pissed all over the floor as I assumed she would, but the difference was that this time, she growled at me, bared her teeth and tried to bite my face.
When her attempt at my face failed, she immediately retracted and lunged for my hand, grazed my pinky finger, but was once again unsuccessful in her attempt to break skin.
This is getting ridiculous.
I'm almost 30 weeks pregnant and being attacked in my bed by a mentally unstable dog at 2:30 in the morning.
I have had it. This is NOT OK.

Vent.

I can absolutely understand the mindset of my almost pre-teen daughter.
She's outgrowing family time and wants to spend every spare moment with her friends.
I get it.
I've been there.

As a homeschooler I can sympathize with this even more, but she sees her friends more than she sees her dad.
Why is it so ridiculous to everyone else in this house that I, as her mother, enforce that the 2-3 days a month she gets to see her dad is strictly for family time?
Is it really that unreasonable?
With my husband's mother constantly looking over my shoulder, critiquing my parenting, and questioning every reason I have for ANYTHING, I don't get to enforce much as it is, but this is a HUGE deal to me.
I just do not, flat out- agree with the kids taking off to be with friends for the short time their dad is home.
It's once a month for crying out loud.
WTF seriously
People are really going to need to get over shit because I'm going to get out of this situation if it kills me.
I might not be paying rent right now but it's being made up for with what I do feel I'm paying for.
Daily crap that's TAXING my sanity.
So what if I did tell MY CHILD she has to finish her schoolwork by a certain time if she wants to spend the night at her friends house?!
I don't need a third party asking "Did you tell Maesyn that if she does *this* she can do *that*?"
Fk you.
My kid. Get over it.

Talking about the near future, and almost losing my shit.

What a day.

We worked on pinewood derby cars for races tomorrow. I probably won't go because moving makes me dizzy right now and I don't feel like fainting in front of a buttload of people again.
Thank you megaloblastic anemia.

Joe and I sat down and discussed his short-term home time goals.
It was hard to process him saying he'll be gone longer than a month (the remainder of April, all of May and the first half of June) in order to make it back for our anniversary, which is a HUUUGE deal to him. Yes its important, and I think it's amazingly cute that he cares this much about this milestone, but I had a hard time explaining why I felt the need for him being home for our anniversary isn't AS important as him being home for Jack's birth.
The way he laid out this plan to me was, if he's gone longer than a month, he'll have an even amount of weeks in the following pay periods to be able to come home for a whole week, when the baby is due.
All I could process was "I'll be gone longer than a month...I'll be gone longer than a month...I'll be gone longer than a month..."
I know it's for a good reason, but this SUCKS.

I feel like I'm going to completely lose my shit, lately.

Maesyn started hanging out in her room and is outgrowing family time. I can't enforce anything.

Joey can't keep his shit together. ADHD is a horrible thing to endure. He's also been stealing little things, then saying he found whatever it is (normally money) in his bed. When you try to explain the Boy who cried wolf, he doesn't get it, and really couldn't care less. And the primal screaming is getting out of hand. My nerves are shot.

Ava has been the diva from hell as of late.
Ignoring my rules about makeup has been the biggest battle so far. 6 going on 16.

Brayden is exploring boundaries and stressing me out.

I'm rapidly approaching the third trimester of pregnancy with my husband on the road, and I have absolutely no patience for any bull crap. I want to snap at everybody... and since I can't I have to bottle it up and get even more stressed.
Braxton hicks contractions combined with restless leg syndrome and dizziness are ruling my evenings, and no one gets that-This has been the hardest pregnancy by far.
THEN there's the 3 dogs that bark at EVERYTHING, making me jump out of my skin if-god forbid-someone takes a step too close to the yard, and the only one I'm "allowed" to control is mine. The other 2 have free reign to bark, piss and bite my kids in the face with no disciplinary action. If I do it, I'M the one reprimanded!!! I can't even LOOK at the dogs with a disappointed look without getting shit!!!
Sorry I forgot the FKN dogs are more important than my kids welfare!!!

I guess all in all I have to count my blessings. I have an incredible support system, a roof over my head, loving children, and a husband that loves me unconditionally.
Life isn't all bad. I just have to allow myself to remember this when I feel like snapping. I just don't always feel like I can get the weight off my already sore shoulders.

Most annoying homeschool questions ever asked

Credit to Brenda www.homeschooldiaries.com

Warning: If you are easily offended you may not want to continue reading.



After the week I have had, I need a little something light-hearted and carefree. How about you?
Here’s a toast to the most annoying homeschool questions ever asked and my slightly edgy rebuttals, simply because one cannot be expected to bite their tongue ALL the time.


What do you do all day?

Well, I just lay around in my pjs all day long and let my kids fend for themselves. Ever seen a 2 year old cook eggs?


Do you like it?

No, I hate it, that’s why I do it every day – 7 days a week. Seriously, do homeschooling parents ever really take a day off? We are always planning, researching and thinking about what we can later quiz our kid on.


What about socialization?

Since all homeschoolers are like caged animals, I am sure only time will tell. Do I need to insert the sarcasm button here? This one has always bothered me. We know the answer right? Sending your child to public school to learn about socialization is like sending your kid to the candy store to learn about nutrition.


Aren’t you worried about college?

I will try to be less snarky with this one. Having spoken to admissions offices around the country at some of the most prestigious colleges about their take on homeschooled children, I am more worried about my children attending public school.


How will they perform on tests?

Mind if we compare statistics? I’ll show you my child’s test scores if you show me yours. This is where I pull out the national test scores and rankings of homeschooled children versus public school – it could get ugly.


Do you like being with your kids all day?

Seriously? That’s all you got? Well…most days (gulp). No, really. This question is like asking me if I like my kids.


What’s wrong with the public schools?

Usually this question is followed by a Socratic stance on how great the local schools are. I usually try to take the high road with public schools in our area but make it known that they couldn’t offer what my child needed. Let’s just say I don’t like to argue over things that are so obvious to me, but not obvious to others. The phrase beating a dead horse comes to mind.


Is it legal?

Is having children legal? I can’t even believe I have heard this question before. It doesn’t even deserve an answer.


How will your girls ever meet boys? (or vice versa)

Excuse me? Since I can’t just walk away without answering every single question I have been asked because of plain ol’ ignorance, I will try to muster up something here.


Did you meet your spouse in school?

I didn’t. It was college.
So they won’t be high school sweethearts – although that is cute and quite romantic, what’s the big deal? This question is just so far off the radar that it’s borderline insulting.


Aren’t you afraid they will miss out?

Society tells us that if your child doesn’t go to school they will miss out. In high school, non-homeschoolers ponder the questions concerning prom, games, dances and other activities. Seriously, I have seen my fellow high school graduates who believed and still believe prom or that last football game was the highlight of their life – they aren’t doing much these days. So no, I am not afraid my children will miss out. They will miss out on so much more if they go, simply because of what they are involved in outside of school.




Disclaimer: All of the above answers were the result of sick children, lack of sleep, PMS, and a splash of TGIF. They are my opinions and how I may respond at any moment, given some unsuspecting individual approach me at the wrong time of month and question my choice to homeschool.
Now that the business is out of the way. Tell me more.
What are the most annoying questions about homeschool that you’ve been asked? Which ones did I miss?

That's it. I've had enough.

I'm hearing rumor after rumor in this
God forsaken POS town.
Anything from "posting pictures of students" and of course, my personal favorite being spread-courtesy of my husbands WHORE of an ex wife; "smoking on campus in front of kids on the playground."
Um hi.
I'm pregnant and wasn't a smoker while working at the school.


Time to put this shit to rest.


First I want to start off by saying that on the second day of Maesie being in 4th grade, she fell from the top of the jungle gym.
Her face was scratched forehead to chin, and bloody.
I was NOT contacted.

HER NOSE COULD HAVE BEEN BROKEN and I would not have found out until after school.
An incident report was apparently written up, but I never saw it.
Now my child's beautiful face is scarred to Hell, and she had to go the rest of that school day with no doctor visit.


You wanna know why I really got fired???
Because after 4 months of being on the adult end of a school, I got sick and tired of the school "nurse" bitching about having to see sick kids. Always grumbling and grunting, and I called her out on her bullshit and the staff couldn't STAND IT.
I called it like it was and instead of her being reprimanded I was the one removed.


Any normal day on the walkie talkie-

"Somebody's bleeding." Or "we need a wheelchair on the blacktop for a jump rope accident"
"UGHHHH...Fiiine."

"So and so vomited so I'm sending them up to you."
"Can't they just sit on the wall for the rest of recess?"

F THAT. Don't like your job? Go somewhere else!!!!

I'm REALLY curious if she's even a real nurse, or if the district considers taking a CPR class "medical/pediatric training"

So anyway-the REAL reason I was fired-

One morning a student could not move his head-in PAIN-his teacher hadn't sent him to the nurse and I was completely upset-so I personally contacted his mother (a personal friend of mine) and told her she should come check out her son and possibly take him to the doctor.
I've known this kid for YEARS and KNEW he wasn't kidding.
I would want to be contacted. Wouldn't you?
If his mother was in my position, and it was one if MY kids, I'm 110% sure she'd get ahold of me as fast as I got ahold of her.

Because of this I got BITCHED OUT for not sending him to the nurse who doesn't give a shit about your kids.
Because I took a matter into my own hands, knowing he would have to endure not being evaluated by someone competent, i blew off the school nurses crap, and got terminated.
Not to mention the principal considers me a thorn in her side because everybody but me would kiss her self righteous ass while she sat on her throne.

Since I was able to be behind the scenes and saw what really went on, I decided homeschooling was the only option for my family.
Day by day I saw my rights as a parent be evaporated every time I dropped them off for school. I was not welcome on the campus for performances or volunteering in my children's classes.
If I can't be on campus because the staff wanted to keep covering their bases, I won't let my children be there either.

While holding each of my babies after their births, I swore to them I would protect them no matter what it took.
I chose to give up all my free time during the day to educate my children, because I was unfortunate enough to see how EVERYONE'S babies were being treated.

So because I contacted a friend about her child due to the lack of care i knew the nurse would give, I was let go.

Since then, I've been contacted and harassed by employees at the district saying I am not eligible for rehire at ANY school, in PVSD or any other district.
I'm considered a "threat" because I refused to take the bull crap.
Now I'm being CRUCIFIED by other parents. My intention was to uphold loyalty to my friends.
I STAND BY MY DECISION AND I REFUSE TO APOLOGIZE.
These people are toxic. I'm the bad guy because other people have already complained about how that particular school is ran.
Parents of those students have NO IDEA what I've seen, and will continue to be fed lies about "the evil supervisor", unless they, themselves, get jobs as campus supervisors and experience it for themselves----but what's even more sad is that this cow manure is being believed.
I normally don't care what I hear about myself, but when my children lose friends because of rumors, and parents refuse to make eye contact with me, SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE SAID.
I got reprimanded for telling the truth, but I also still get punished for school staff's lies that are being believed by "sheep" parents.

$30/day per child and I was on my way to having 5 kids in that school.
Paying $30/day to allow my children to be tormented and treated like CRAP? Uh no.

So now you know.
Go ahead and continue believing rumors my husbands ex BITCH tells her 9 year old to spread.
Yea, she's a REALLLLY reliable source.

LOL

Just kind of laughing to myself tonight.

I homeschool 4 kids while pregnant with a 5th, whom will also be homeschooled.
I'm happily married.
My children never miss a Sunday at church.
I'm a soccer mom.
I work 2 of my own home businesses.
My husband is a truck driver who misses out on so many milestones, holidays, birthdays, etc. I support him in his endeavors.
Somehow I find time to give my friends the attention they deserve from me.
Dealt with my dads murder and finally coming out of my 8 month long funk of grieving and mourning.

Last weekend I was cussed out by a jealous wife who has maybe talked to me once about my 6 year old, and told "we don't associate with people like you" by a woman (an elementary school teacher no less!) who allows her husband to work in the porn industry, over a misunderstanding.
If he doesn't hang out with people like me, why do i have him on video in a beer drinking race with one of my BFF's at Chuy's? On his daughter's birthday that my daughter was invited to, by the way..HAHA but IM a lying bitch.
She doesn't like me because her husband told her he thought I was attractive.

I can understand her being upset, but the way she approached me was wrong.


Just kinda found that ironic.
I'm not dwelling on this, it just came to mind and I giggled.
Cuss me out and then demand answers. That works.