As strong as I am, I just broke down.
I took 10 minutes to myself, and completely lost it.
I'm coming to grips with the fact that this is it.
Never again will I buy a pregnancy test.
I'll never wrap my arms around my husband and speak the words "I'm pregnant" again.
I won't ever have the anticipation of "Can't wait to see what we're having!" or be asked "When are you due?!" or "What do you hope its going to be?"
No more middle of the night pregnancy cravings.
No more 3D ultrasounds.
No more shopping for newborn baby clothes (for my own baby).
No more spending weeks on end 'debating' baby names with Joe, changing the name, and finally hearing him say "I really like that one!" or "ugh, not a chance" :-P
(Yes, I absolutely gave him a say in what we named our children. Every one of them. We're a team, remember? haha)
This is the last week I live as a complete wreck, wondering if I'll wake up in the middle of the night with contractions.
No more maternity clothes.
This is it.
My last baby.
I have a very love/hate relationship with being "done".
I feel like I'm losing a part of me.
I will miss all of this.
But at the same time, I can't wait to get it all out of the way, and eventually have moments where Joe and I can just concentrate on "us".
I do look forward to that.
I also look forward to getting my pre-pregnancy body back.
I look forward to meeting Jax face to face.
I look forward to every milestone.
But for now, I'm relishing the few moments of baby kicks in my belly I've got left.
