Dear Dad,

Dear Dad,

I was thinking about you today.
Not that its unusual. But so much has happened since you left.
How's Grampa? Does he treat you differently now?
I bet Great Gramma Helen was surprised to see you.
Tell gramma Opal i love her, and kiss Joy Venturine on the forehead for me.
Did you get to go fishing with Jim Croce, yet?

Joe came off the road the week you left. He's been an awesome support system.
The kids want me to tell you hi, and that they love you. You'd be proud of them.
They're all doing really well.
Maesyn has become a video game addict.
Joey is still....Joey....
Ava has turned into the diva from hell. 6 goin on 16.
Brad is talking and getting into trouble a lot. Typical boy. But he's a mamas boy.

We're expecting again. Another little boy we're naming after you, who is due the same time you left, exactly one year later. Pretty sure you had a hand in that.
You win. :)

We got a new car because of the baby. I think if you were here you'd go nuts with all the gadgets. So many buttons you'd be able to push and mess with.
I won't need your help scraping bumper stickers off this time, though. Don't plan on putting any on anytime soon, unless Shawna finds something she doesn't think I can live without -so you dodged that bullet. Haha.

I never told anyone this, because I feel like I'm beating a dead horse again, but with all I know about the case from our hired investigator, and with what my brain and heart believes happened, Katy Perry's song 'Wide Awake' kind of tells me the story from what MAY have been your point of view, while you were pulled from the lake. Let me explain.
••••••••••••••••
I'm wide awake

Yeah, I was in the dark *in the lake
I was falling hard*for Janet

With an open heart*wanting so badly for love reciprocated

I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?*she wasn't right for you
I'm wide awake

And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems*you were a free babysitter

I'm wide awake*aware but it was too late

Yeah, I was dreaming for so long* of what could've been

I wish I knew then-her intentions.

What I know now-who she really is.

Wouldn't dive in-would have thought clearly, not like a lovesick puppy.

Wouldn't bow down-* you gave in

Gravity hurts*your trust got broken

You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete*during CPR

Falling from cloud nine*leaving your body

Crashing from the high*the drugs you took that jaded you that night

I'm letting go tonight*you must have knew it would happen because you didn't completely trust.

Yeah, I'm falling from cloud nine*you realized the truth and it hurt.

I'm wide awake
Not losing any sleep-
I picked up every piece-
And landed on my feet-at the pearly gates.

I'm wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself, no

I'm wide awake
Yeah, I am born again*rebirth in the heavens.

Out of the lion's den*earthly suffering you endured

I don't have to pretend*no need to, now.
And it's too late*it was too late.

The story's over now, the end* The last chapter in your life.


I wish I knew then
What I know now
Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
'Til I woke up on
On the concrete-PRETTY sure you were aware of what was happening during resuscitation

Falling from cloud nine (it was out of the blue)
I'm crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)
I'm falling from cloud nine

I'm wide awake-laying in the hospital bed, I knew you could hear me but they had you so doped up you couldn't respond.
Thunder rumbling*the family crying. You heard us.
Castles crumbling* our hearts breaking.
I'm wide awake
I am trying to hold on*life support
I'm wide awake
God knows that I tried
Seeing the bright side*Made the best of your situation
I'm wide awake
I'm not blind anymore...*you can see what path she led you down.

I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake




Anyway. I needed to get that off my chest.
I read into stuff, I know. But my gut has never steered me wrong.
There's other songs that speak to me at random times, but that's for another time.