You just got "Other Mothered"!

Are you "that" mom?

These are some honest to goodness quotes my friends and I have had to listen to (and bite our tongues through) from those "other mothers", so we don't completely lose it, and start laughing hysterically.
We may have straight faces while listening and nodding, but afterward we laugh and post blogs and ask "did she not realize how RIDICULOUS she sounded?!"




We don't encourage Sally to use make-up and nail polish, because we don't want her to feel she needs to be all pretty'd up to make friends, so she won't be attending your daughter's mani/pedi birthday party. And if you set aside a goodie bag for Sally so everyone is "fairly treated", I'll have to go through it first because last time you added some very questionable smelling nail polish....

Do NOT tell your kids about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, or any other mythical figure. God doesn't approve.

 Oh...How nice of you to bring 'store-bought' cookies to the class party. 

You're working now? Who is watching your poor kids?

We didn't name her Gabby. We named her Gabriella. Mmmkay? Thanks...

You HAVE to let your baby teethe on tree bark. It's 100% natural...

How DARE you get pregnant?!?! You have TATTOOS! I'm embarassed FOR you.

Caca Dodo Hernandez? You shouldn't name your baby that. I know it's YOUR baby that YOU'LL be pushing out of YOUR vagina, but YOU'RE not the one who has to live with that name...

Make everything out of duct tape and old beach towels. You'll impress all of the other room mothers...

If you drink anything but water during pregnancy you're a HORRIBLE mother. Even orange juice has too much sugar. Your baby will come out twitching.

1 month old infants need hard-soled shoes. 

HOW could you consider formula feeding?? It causes brain defects and they choke AND DIE on clumps!

WHY would you consider breastfeeding?? You can't have sex and their spit up smells horrible! (what??)

Start sports really early. Everyone needs a trophy. Even at 12 months.

She just sniffled. You aren't calling the pediatrician fast enough.
.
Do kegels.

Babies aren't born with fully developed knee caps. Don't try to make him stand too early.

You HAVE to get a C-section. It's awesome!
But after they slice you open, take a 9 pound baby out of a 4 inch slit, then staple you shut, you can't take pain meds because you're choosing to breastfeed. Awwwe thats too bad....
Better you than me.

Get extra safety attachments for the carseat. 5 points isn't enough. You want to make sure she's SO SAFE that if the car explodes you absolutely CAN'T get her out of the car.

Do you pee when you sneeze?

Act like a germaphobe in public so you don't get crucified. And if you drop the teether on the ground in front of ANY other parent ANYWHERE, just throw it away. 

TV is the devil.

SUNBLOCK!

Hand sanitizer...

Expose your baby to music in the womb. 'It' will be smarter when 'it' gets older.

You have more than 2 kids? The therapy is going to cost a FORTUNE.

i have one 4 month old. I know more than a mother of 7 because we read books and do popcicle stick art EVERY day.

It's SO SELFISH of you to take a shower without the baby!

If you're going to have sex, put the baby in the swing outside the door so she can't see what you're doing. It can traumatize a 3 week old.

Our parents didn't watch anything we did. But we have to make sure we, as parents in this generation, can not leave kids alone with wood burning kits or old rusty lawn darts.

Sleep is only for terrible mothers.

Another "horrible parent indicator"- pacifiers.
If you can't keep your baby happy 100% 24/7 without a pacifier, your punishment is BRACES in 10 years and dirty looks from every cardigan wearing, brand new jogging shoes sporting, ponytail swinging under a khaki visor, soccer mom 'book parent' in the grocery store.